I have two sons, 16 and 12. They
truly keep my life moving. As I have
told many people (as well as those who personally know us), my house stays
live, never a dull moment. I can boldly
say that since I have been married and with children, I have yet to be bored in
over 18 years! God knows how to make
life to the fullest!
Well, that brings me to this point.
A part of having an ever-exciting time in my home is due to talks. You know…talks. Yes, there are the talks about the birds and
the bees. But who are we really fooling,
birds and the bees are really about sex!
Just say it…sex! What I know of
sex is often times completely different from what my boys know. And it can be shocking about how much they
know and how much they don’t know. Okay, we move on.
Then there are other real talks.
Talks about life, chores, responsibility, girls, friendships, money,
family, school, and the list goes on and on.
I am reading a devotional series on ‘Being
a Fulfilled Father’. The devotional
I read was entitled, ‘Down and Dirty’, where I got the title for this
posting. A passage that struck me was the following:
‘…do not be surprised if you discover that some things you thought were
working are not. Conversely, do not be
shocked to learn that a few things that you thought were insignificant are
making a huge difference.’
One thing I know about my introverted self is that I don’t talk a lot. That
has its good and bad moments. Don’t
believe me, ask my wife. In fact, if you’re married, ask yours! My
boys need me to talk to them about the good and the bad. Not all conversations are hard to speak
about. Yet, not all conversations are
easy either and I often times don’t know how to approach them. But I have to. So do you. Sometimes I can be outrageously
clueless. This is where I enlist help. In the Bible, there was a man named Nehemiah
who went to rebuild a wall that had been broken. As you read the book (and I highly recommend
it for fathers) you will see that in order for him to rebuild he had to enlist
the help of many men. Well, I have some
men in my life that are not afraid to talk or my boys. I want them to. In fact, I want them to be so comfortable
talking that I may or may not know what they spoke about, but I can see
change. They have had conversations and
I didn’t even know they happened. I
appreciate that. I do think there needs to be criteria set for the men who you want to
enlist. I believe they are the
following:· You trust them and they trust you.
· They have a spiritual and moral foundation
· They’re adults who act like adults. They have put away childish behaviors.
You may have other criteria.
These are just mine. You will
want to adjust these criteria if you have daughters. Let me also be clear of this: there are
incredible women who help mentor my sons.
They give prime wisdom and knowledge as well and I always welcome their
help.
Yet, these men and women DO NOT take the place of my role as their
father. I have to be alert to what’s
going on in their lives. The more my
mouth is open to address the intricacies of their heart, I know that I am
helping them to become better men. I
gotta change this. And for some who are
reading this, you may need to as well.
What have been some straining conversations you have with your
children? How did you handle it?
Do you have other men and women in your life that can be a sounding
board for your children? Are you making
yourself available to be a sounding board for others?
Fathers, don’t be afraid to get down and
dirty. I plan to. Besides, I
have NOS…
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